10 Years? Really?

Well, as most of you probably are NOT aware, it was 10 years ago on this very night that my band Slow Children At Play had our very first album release party. We entered our names into that small town's musical history that night.

It was kind of a big deal. Indeed, this was still a time that digital recording studios were not quite so prevalent along the ranks of the lower class. No, digital audio recording was a realm still very much reserved for those more popular recording artists with record contracts and such. We recorded in a studio on giant audio reel-to-reels (still got 'em, too) just like they'd been doing for decades. And printing an album to CD was rather pricey at the time, too. We took a big risk on a bunch of copies, and only a fistful of the original press remains in my possession today.

The Internet wasn't in use the same way it is today, either. MP3 compression was just becoming widespread, and promotion for our music on the web was just not nearly as straightforward when we released that album as it is today.

As difficult as all that technical crap was, we got off a pretty good set of songs on that album, and played 'em all (and then some) in front of a crapload of the local youth on that one awesome night. Played in front of a bunch of old folks, too. My grandpa was even there...only show he ever saw us play (and no, he's not dead, not even 10 years later here...he just didn't really need to go to many shows when we were rocking out at the house once a week anyway...plus, wasn't really his style).

We had plenty of awesome shows after that, but going on stage with the merch booth stocked full of your album for everyone to take home made us feel like we'd arrived somehow. All around town, it seemed we'd hear our stuff on the radios as people drove by now and then, see our t-shirts, and then later on, even hear it on MTV. What the crap?? Glory days, my friends.

If you were there, you know it was the real deal that night. "Los Nueve Amigos," the men of SCAP. Cheers fellas, let's do it again sometime.

(P.S. - I linked to our MySpace page up at the top, but our main site is http://www.scapmusic.com if you're interested. Not a lot of action at either spot these days)

I am NOT...

...a guitar hero, but I play one on TV (er, well, not really).

...addicted to shopahol, but I do like buying stuff.

...ready to admit that I'm a "grown up," even though my son calls me Dad.

...a complete narcissist, even though I'd certainly be justified if I was.

...likely to ever bother trying shrimp again, since they're basically the bottom-feeding, scum-sucking cockroaches of the sea. Bon appetit!

...trying to start a new Facebook note-posting trend with this thing.

...a lesbian, because I'm a dude...but I dig chicks anyway.

...unemployed, even though nobody else can claim me as their employee.

...interested in causing physical harm to anybody, but if someone breaks into my house while I'm here, they won't get much chance to explain themselves before I try to introduce them to God the hard way.

...a hyphenated U.S. citizen.

...thinking about moving, and wondering if/when/how. Nope, not at all.

...a real mean guy most of the time...but I can be a jerk every now and then. Watch out fellas.

...a fan of movies, generally speaking, but I love a good comedy or action film.

...going to put off getting started with the day to think up more witty garbage to list here.

My Testimony in Long Form - Part II

Alrighty, here's Part II, almost a month to the day. If you're just tuning in, I'm just basically spilling my guts about how I got to where I am today and explaining where that is exactly. If you missed the first part, maybe read that one first and get up to speed. Or don't, I don't own you.

THE CHURCH, THE BAND AND THE END OF HIGH SCHOOL (continued...)

As I was sitting there waiting for this whole thing to wrap up so we could go rock out on some real music, the director asks me if I want to join them. I (of course) said, "no." A couple of the other folks tried to prod me into going and singing, then Eric explained to me that I could grab the bass, since the usual guy wasn't there that night (Don, another guy I got to know real well through jamming out in the garage and later on with SCAP). Well that was a horse of a different color, I rarely played bass but always wanted to play more, so it just worked out that there I was up on the altar playing. I don't remember the song exactly, but it was just kind of fun to improvise a bass line even if the song was nothing worth hearing. We did one or two more songs then wrapped it up.

On the way out, Eric and the director were talking about how they needed another guitarist to handle lead, and my ego just about blew up all over the pews. They wanted ME (sound unheard, more or less) to handle lead guitar duties. Well sure. I mean, I'm freaking awesome, I'm sure I can handle a few church ditties. Once in a while. And to add the icing on the cake, they tell me the youth choir is taking a trip to NYC in June and I'd get to go along. SOLD. I'd never been to NYC, always wanted to go, my friend Eric (and some other cool aces I'd met that night) were going, so why not?

While the trip was totally rad, that's not where we're headed with this story. The next couple of years had me becoming more and more a part of that church (I actually left my family's church and joined this one...how weird is THAT for a teenager?) and becoming a Christian again, but really in a whole new way this time. During the rest of high school I still did plenty with my music, eventually forming the world's greatest band with Eric and some other folks. We will go down in history as one of the most listened to yet unbearable acts to originate in the small town of Peachtree City (I'm of course referring to SCAP again, but you already knew that). The various strange people and scenarios I continued to encounter through SCAP made me go through tough decisions once in a while that challenged me to pick one road or the other. I didn't always make the right choices but that's neither here nor there...the heart had changed, and the rest of me just had to catch up to it sooner or later.

So yeah, I grew in my faith throughout high school, but never anything truly world-changing...small scale really, but everything seemed huge at the time when I had to toss aside so many things I was doing and pull a full reverse if I was going to stay true to my own intentions.

And don't get me wrong here...I count Eric as one of the people who were instrumental in turning my life back to God, but he wasn't like my "spiritual leader" or something. I don't think Eric ever had the direct intention of getting me involved with his family's church, or helping me reach some higher plane of existence, but that's how it all worked out. I've found it more and more interesting throughout the years to see how people who never intended to strengthen my faith helped me do exactly that nonetheless. Some people asked questions, made comments or did something that made my pea-sized brain think about my faith in one way or another. Without all of these seemingly random people, I likely wouldn't be where I was then or where I am now.

Also, don't get the idea that I was all that great of a Christian in high school after that big turn around point. The wheels had fallen off the wagon, so to speak, and it took a lot of effort on my part and the part of others to help me really find my way. It took a few years. In fact, although I'll never be at the point in my faith where I really want to be (at least in this lifetime), I do feel like I finally arrived at a good spot while in college, sometime around my 2nd year in school at UGA.

COLLEGE LIFE, THE GIRL AND THE END OF THE BAND

In my first year at UGA, we ended up swapping out our bass player Don for a guy we'd known in high school, Graham. Graham wasn't actually a bass player, but he played guitar and was always up for playing with the band, so it worked out that way. Graham ended up moving into the Skapartment (yes, that's what we called our apartment, combo of ska+apartment for those a little slow on the uptake). Graham sort of wandered into his faith along similar lines, but he had matured in it in a way that was leaps and bounds above my level of understanding and practice.

I never ended up doing a whole lot of churchy stuff while in college (all the groups seemed more like social clubs anyways, plus I was too busy with school and playing and practicing with SCAP to get much involved). Graham and I had dozens of good conversations over our years there though, and it might have been more useful than any of the sermons or books I'd run into up to that point anyway. It was real, it was very personal stuff that I could run with. And of course in college, things like politics, religion and social issues get discussed all the time all across campus. So I started to get a better feel for what the faith was all about in the real world, how I had to practice it if I was going to bother with it at all, and how I needed to start applying it to my life.

Now let's back up a bit. In my first year of college I started dating my wife-to-be Hilary. She was at another school, but we had kinda/sorta met when we were in high school (as in, we really basically met after graduation at a party right before everyone went off to college). We exchanged e-mail addresses because that's what people were doing, but nothing really came of it for quite a while. Then it all started coming together and - boom - we were dating.

She was pretty strong-minded in her faith. I'm not sure I'd say she was at a higher level, but she was definitely more committed to it, whereas I occasionally still had these creeping doubts. Also, where I typically lapsed in my practice of Christianity on a weekly basis, she was like a rock, unmovable and unshakable in her faith, however matured it may have been. I give her the most credit for bringing me to where I am in my faith today, nearly 9 years after we started dating.

We eventually got engaged, got married and the rest is history (or at least not relevant for this story, not yet anyway). It should be noted, however, that as I got more serious about marriage, and more serious about life after college, it occurred to me that the band just might not be playing a big role in my life pretty soon. As it turns out, we never formally split, but we also haven't played a show together in the last 5 years since I graduated from UGA. I've written a couple of songs, practiced a few times, but that's it. We still keep in touch though (and apparently people still buy our albums because we're almost out of them now).

So as we continued dating, Hilary and I bounced all kinds of questions off of each other, just like any kind of serious couple might do. After getting engaged, those questions got more serious as we prepared to spend the rest of our lives together. We learned some things about each other and grew in faith together. I'd say that by the time we got married, we were about 18% prepared (I kid, I kid...seriously, we were just about as ready as any couple could be, but you never stop learning new things together no matter how long you stay with a person). That foundation made the next stages of life much more meaningful, and certainly more bearable.

MARRIED LIFE AND KEEPING THE FAITH

People have a lot of good and bad things to say about marriage, and I would say that for the most part, what you hear on both sides is usually true. You have a great friend, but you argue about a bunch of different things because you care about one another so much. There are days you wish never ended, and some days where you go to bed early because it's just that kind of a day. I would say that for me, it'll never be a decision that I regret, and absolutely never something I'll renege on.

One great thing for me has been the opportunity to have another like-minded person to discuss matters of faith regularly, keep me in check and help me grow. In fact, I'd say that the last 2 or 3 years have seen the highest growth of my faith in my entire life. All the time I feel like I'm learning something new, renewing myself and become just an overall better person.

This much is true, though...the higher I keep setting the bar, the harder it feels every time I fall. I still never make the right choices all the time, and I don't always practice what I preach. But unlike earlier years where I was willing to accept a high level of failure on my own part to "practice what I preach," these days I feel a lot less inclined to accept my own shortcomings because I want to keep moving forward at all times, and never backward.

With the birth of my son Caleb last year, I want to be able to set the best possible example, be the one who can answer the tough questions for him and never have to say "I'm sorry" when I fail to meet the standards we will set for him. I guess it's like any athlete who trains harder and harder to meet a certain goal. If you skip your practice regimen once or twice in a row, you really feel that the next time you get back into it, and you definitely feel less than impressed with yourself for being so lazy.

In a way, I almost feel like everything in life is suddenly in 2nd place to my family. I know that's probably how it should be for the most part. I feel like everything I am and have become is about walking with God. Everyone knows those WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) things that were everywhere a few years ago. It was kind of a strange trend. Anyway, I feel like that's somewhat how I approach life now. Not about what to do specifically, but how to live. I may never be the best musician, the best videographer, or the best anything else. If I can be the best father, husband, brother, son and friend to all the people I know, then I'll take that any day.

CONCLUSION (and you thought it would never end)

And that's really what it boils down to for me. The people in my life everyday, the people I have always known and the people I meet throughout the remainder of my existence on this planet, however long or short. I find that I've never really "been there" for all that many people. I haven't always cared the way I ought to, the way someone who claims to follow God and Christ should care about people. It starts with my family, but it never ends there and never ends at all until I'm gone.

Even though I'm not where I feel I could be and should be today, I feel good to be able to look back on what I've done in my walk of faith these past 10-15 years. My faith has carried me to some interesting answers about life, the world and everything around us in this universe. I learn seemingly amazing things on a regular basis now.

I feel like my next big steps are to take everything that I've learned and make more of it in life. I need to be more giving of my time, energy and resources. I need to be there for people in prayer when they're going through life's tough times. I need to actually do more of what I say I'm going to do. And since I've told everyone (who reads this blog) what my intentions are, hopefully that will only make me more accountable to my own words.

So there you have it. It wasn't much of a reader, but hopefully you found some meaning for yourself, or at the very least, you feel like you know me a little better now. It's not the world's most ground-shaking human tale, but I still feel surprised some days that I made it out of a few rough years alive, quite literally. I know that my life would be drastically different today if it weren't for that one evening that a friend simply needed me to pick him up and drive him home, and to know that a single ordinary action can be so pivotal makes me that much more aware of every decision I make and every word I speak.

AFTERTHOUGHT

I thought about including various quotes and Bible verses and other stuff like that throughout these two posts. Some of the things that people have told me over the years, or things I've heard people say, or things that I've read in the Bible or in other books have really had a big impact on me. I didn't include them because that's not really what this was all about, but I'd be glad to talk it up with anybody anytime. I could probably make an entire blog out of those things alone, so to save you a little bit of reading here I just decided to omit them.

A final note and then I'm out...most true "testimonies" are much more succinct, much more focused and generally intended to get people to consider Christian salvation. My testimony had a lot more biography than your average testimony (probably because I'm horrible at brevity). Hopefully you ARE inspired after reading this. Hopefully I've said something that you needed to hear (or read). If you found these posts at all interesting or inspiring (or even if you think this is all B.S. and I'm full of crap), please send me an e-mail or something and let me know.